Relatable

On Thursday afternoon I had my first opportunity to speak in front of over 100 high schoolers at FCA [Fellowship for Christian Athletes]. Intimidating to say the least. I'm not one for public speaking. My best friends in high school can attest to this fact. Just moments before we gave Valedictorian speeches in front of a crowd of 1,000, I was more than willing to sacrifice the honor and have someone else read my speech. And it wasn't just that one instance. In college I had to give a presentation freshman year in front of a class full of seniors. My knees buckled and I hit the floor hard. I definitely don't have a strong track record to back my lack of confidence.

It's a funny thing when I actually sit and think about it. How am I able to rise to the challenge, perform and win a game in front of a crowd of over 3,000? Most of which are probably rooting against me. Yet am terrified to speak in front of 100 kids? Truly baffling and well ironic. You see, I talked about what it means to play for an "Audience of One." Obviously the One being God. Although I haven't completely mastered the concept in basketball, still in the process, always in a process it seems:)  I do remind myself of the freedom this concept creates. I'm free from what other think about me. What they may say about my team or my personal play. I'm free from the expectations of my coaches. I'm free from it all when it comes to being on the court. Just haven't mastered it on a speaking platform. I struggled but I did get my points across. Mission accomplished. "Audience of One" discussed. But just a quick side note. I am so impressed with teachers/professors. I don't know how they do it! Every time I would make eye contact with a student it was like they didn't want to be there. I would get insecure and these thoughts would follow...

Do they understand what I'm saying?

How could they not? This is so easy to grasp. And if anything the Holy Spirit is going to lead my thought process because this is not my strong suit...

You know it is lunch time, and lunch is dreadful at TC maybe it's their lunch, yeah that's it! So distracting. Ick!

Wait, they still don't care. It's not the lunch. IT'S ME! I need to be more animated. These kids are always on their phones or the internet. I need to be like that. Distracting. Yeah, that's it! Raise your voice. Really work those arms. Lots of imagery. You have to get their attention. Wait...where am I in my talk? What am I even talking about?

Yeah, it got that bad but I remained calm, cool and collected. To be honest I prayed so hard over what I was supposed to talk about and God flooded my mind with ideas. I didn't expect to be asked to become a leader at the end of the day. I honestly thought job interviews had gone better. Job interviews are harsh! I'm humbled by the invitation and excited that I get more opportunities to discuss everything that came to mind.

You see, before Thursday, I genuinely felt disconnected from the generation that is currently in high school. Sounds ludicrous considering I am only 5 years older but it seemed like a Grand Canyon sized gap. I didn't think I could possibly relate to these kids when I felt worlds apart. I do believe their influencers are much stronger then what my classmates and I faced 5 short years ago. Just reading headlines or hearsay and even checking facebook reveals that there is so much brokenness. I would say more than when I was in high school but then again I probably wasn't aware of it all. Facebook didn't even come into existence until my Senior year of high school and you had to have a college email address to join.

Brokenness just wasn't on my radar. I was more than sheltered in high school. Quite frankly I have been sheltered my entire life until Australia. Always in a bubble. Sure there has always been pressure. Pressure to perform or be the perfect daughter-student-athlete but it was pressure that came from myself not lies or pressure from society. It still doesn't justify my pressure but I had friends that were identical to me and it wasn't a big deal, at the time, finding my worth in my personal success. We were LMPS [pronounced limps]. Little Miss Perfects. We never caused trouble and were as square as squares can be. Not ashamed or proud of that fact but our biggest fear was getting a B+ instead of an A. We would use SAT words in our sentences to sound mature and cool. We were voted Most Athletic, Best Personality and Most Likely to Make a Million Dollars. You could find us present in every club meeting/event as we were involved in EVERYTHING. I honestly don't know how we had the time. Our idea of a fantastic party was lots of treats, karaoke and no boys! We adored Mr. Freers [lazy students don't like him]. We wore Holister, American Eagle and Abercrombie & Fitch and that was about as "brand name" as we got. We were average teenagers and with the exception of all the death in my family we didn't experience too much brokenness in our high school years. We weren't affected by others perceptions of us an we were the epitome of innocence.

Teammates

Best Friends

The one thing I really, really miss about Australia is how they prioritize their values. The things that matter to them are so far different than the things that occupy us here in the states. They value family above anything else. Where in America, for a majority of the population, it is all about self. Self-worship. Self-promotion. Selfish motives. People chasing after the "American Dream." Sacrificing anything to be on top. It was a sad realization and even more so when I realized how caught up I was in it. Who cares what celebrities are doing or wearing and why do I have to do the same to be accepted?! Why do I need to drive a certain type of car to gain others approval or display my "worth". Why does my house have to be the biggest on the block? And why do I have to keep up with the Jones'? 

At first glance things looked different than I remembered. A lot different. For one thing, school was not a fashion show. When I walked on campus for the first time in five years, trying to remember where the 800 building was located, I was distracted by all of the girls. It was absolutely heartbreaking. The girls looked like they were straight off the run-way. These innocent, well I presume, little girls. Whose faces were all plastered with make-up in attempts to, I don't know? Be 23? It was shocking. I look back at high school pictures and I look like I'm five! There wasn't a pressure to look a certain way. Sure girls experimented with make-up but we didn't wear it religiously or as thick.

Some of these girls were in high heels and walked in them like pros. For one thing who, outside of professionals, wears high heels casually? And to school? Unless you have an important presentation I see no reason for a 14 year old to be wearing heels. Wedges are a different story and totally appropriate.

I'll never forget walking into winter formal with my friends as we leaned on each other for support. We looked like boys in high heels. Uncomfortable, awkward for everyone watching and completely uncoordinated. It surprised me how things had changed in such a short amount of time. There was such an emphasis on something so silly. I'm all for self-expression, especially when it comes to fashion but really? High heels on 15 year old?

As I was making my way to the 800 building I asked myself why? Maybe the prevalence of the internet and things like blogging, youtube and facebook. In high school I only used the internet to send emails to my college coach, the occasional research project and Sparknotes for Shakespeare readings. I can't remember much use past that. I had a Myspace and AIM but I logged in maybe every other week. Technology just wasn't the same which seems so crazy seeing that we are so dependent upon it now. It also blows my mind that I wasn't allowed to have a cell phone until I was 16 and now kids have them when they are 7. Might I add not just crappy phones like my first piece. I've had campers, age 7, with iphones. It's ridiculous. I just don't understand when it changed. When the addiction started. I know I can't go a day without logging onto facebook to update my status or "creep" on friends. Or read the latest updates on Twitter. Or obsess over everything I want to buy from Esty. Or be inspired by what my friends have to say on their blogs.

Then there's the part of me that's jealous. We had to wait until our Senior year of high school to have affordable digital cameras. The kind that are laughable these days. With the capabilities that "cheap", bottom of the line digital cameras have now. As I was creating a slideshow for my talk I could barely find any pictures because I hardly had any memories documented do to my lack of a camera. Not to mention the pictures I have are awful. One snap and its stuck that way on film. Don't have the luxury of reviewing. Now cameras are affordable. You stroll into Costco or Target, pick your poison, and walk out with a nice little camera for $50!

All this to say these things I remember aren't that significant. Yes the culture and way we did things in high school is a lot different, but core convictions and experiences are still the same. Girls still struggle with insecurity. They fall in love and get their heart broken for the first time. They obsess over the cute jock and stress out over their class workloads. And same goes for the guys. They still try to act cool and make sure they are the first to the punch line. They still act like boys and try to out-do one another. Both guys and girls struggle to make their faith real. How do they express it in such a place were there has is continual spiritual battles being fought. Many of which are ones that were being fought back in my day. These high schoolers still yearn for Christ to be the center of their lives. Something I can totally relate to! Boom there it was I  had discovered the common denominator.

My belief of being distant from high schoolers was completely shattered after several intimate conversations after my talk. Yes, it was a very different scene when I went to school and it is hard to grasp seeing that it was just a short 5 years ago, but I can completely relate with these kids. It's through Christ I can relate. To be completely honest, they are not as lost I thought.

It was a matter of being in the right place, at the right time, in the right conversation to change my view point. I know I have a wealth of knowledge to share. My heart yearns to be a mentor even if its just to one girl. I've been blessed with amazing confidants and women of integrity, passion and purpose. I want to be that which was so graciously given to me and invest it in someone else. A testimony of hope in darkness and faith in desolate silence. I want to share in their burdens, delight in their joys and be fully present in whatever way God sees fit. I need to let go of all these excuses and reasons of why I am incapable or different or unqualified and accept that fact that I am "old", relatable and do have things to share.

I didn't realize how much respect I have gained in taking my trip to Australia. Just because I played overseas tends to make me a celebrity back home and gives me a pathway for impacting others. Interaction with people is completely different. It's not that they didn't take me seriously before but my words have so much weight now. It is crazy, insane because I was not worthy of that playing position nor am I worthy of this praise. But I see why. God has given me credibility so that He can use me in avenues I never would have gained or previously thought otherwise.

Don't get me wrong He has always given me the gifts of boldness and a big presence. Not just in my physical stature but in the way I present myself, live out His love and express myself. Now there is a boldness in the way I approach my faith. It's humbling and awesome to see parts of my random life of a story come together. Things that never made sense have significance now. I see their relevance. Heaps of "ah ha" moments lately. I can't believe He has blessed me with this opportunity. I can't wait to see what comes of it. What relationships are formed and how He continues to challenge me. But more than anything I am so excited to become invested in this group of kids I felt so distant from.