God Winks

I love stories.

Mysteries. Comedies. Quests. Rebirths. Triumphs. Tragedies. Homecomings. Romances.

The ones that enthrall their audiences. It's as if the words on the page breathe life into your mundane. That you yourself become the protagonist. And in this process you manage to figure it all out. You know what's coming next and undoubtedly know how it ends. Making this transformation you unknowingly step into the palm of an author. An author so gifted they have you right where they want you. Then without warning, the story changes. I don't like that place. You think you are in control, even though the story was never yours to begin with. Maybe it's frustration because you no longer see the big picture. In this place you realize you saw everything from one perspective. Then in a blink. The scales drop from your eyes and you see, although you may not understand, other perspectives...

I have come to know God as an Author. An Amazing Author. The Greatest. Perfect and True.He is writing my story and yours too:) And regardless of my expectations, He holds it all together. He provides the answers to the mysteries. He humbles you with a laugh. He is a navigator if you choose to follow. He is life. He designed joy. He weeps with us. He runs to us with open arms. He is love. He is so much more than a story and He will continue to inspire stories.

This week I surrendered my idea of my story. I haven't seen the big picture in a while, but then again when have I ever really truly seen the big picture? Usually I see glimpses but I haven't seen a glimmer of hope in Australia. I have been nothing short of discouraged on a daily basis. As if everything that was written in pencil did in fact erase at every chance it could. Nothing has felt consistent. Nothing has felt right. Nothing has been close to what was told it would be. I have been lied to. I have been betrayed. I have never felt more lonely in all of my 22 years. This journey has been a tragedy. One mishap after the next. A time where my thoughts float between "I want to go home", "This would happen", "I'm not surprised" and "Seriously?". Yet I never thought I would be saying "Thank goodness for visa issues!!"My story to New Zealand and my time here thus far can be summed up in a series of God winks. Those things that are so small world and so ironic that you know that they can only be God ordained. Our Author is beyond creative EVEN in the tiniest of tiny details. As I previously mentioned I met a Pastor from Hillsong Sydney on my flight from Adelaide to Sydney. How amazing that God ordains seats on an airplanes [just a reiteration of His creative genius]!! I was so nervous on the flight because I tend to talk up my anxiety ESPECIALLY when it comes to planes. Well here I am sitting next to a REAL perfect stranger and of course I'm going to start a conversation because I need to be distracted so I choose him. It went like this:

Me: So are you from Adelaide?
Sanga: No.
Me: Cool. Does that mean you are from Sydney?
Sanga: Yes.
[FYI this is at 6am and he is just matter of fact]
Me: Cool. How long have you lived there?
Sanga: [I forgot how long he said but pretty much a long time]
Me: Awesome. Hey can I ask you a really random question?
Sanga: Sure.
Me: Have you been to Hillsong Sydney cause I reallllllllly, really would like to go there!!
Sanga: [Smiles] Actually I am a Pastor there!
Me: [Pastor-struck] Are you serious? This is so cool!!!
Sanga: Why are you headed to Syd?
Me: [Typical long drawn out Alisha story complete with backstory and random facts but in my defense in the case of Australia it has every right to be that way]
45 minutes later...flight now descending...
Sanga: Well if you get caught in a bind this is my good friend's email address. He is Pastor of a church out in Auckland. Feel free to contact him! I pray everything works out for you Alisha.
Me: Thanks!! I shouldn't be there more than two days but if by chance I am...I will! Thanks so much!!
[end conversation...exit flight and truly leap into the unknown]

Turns out he has a HUGE network in Auckland. Thank goodness for the body of Christ. I don't mean to bash on my club, but they are awful!! Especially my coach and his many failed promises. "I will take care of you" being the main one. For the first time in 30 days I have finally felt taken care of and looked after. Quite pathetic that it is happening in NZ. My new friends are major blessings. They all work for LIFE here in Auckland and have literally taken me in as their own. My club booked a flight and hotel for me. My hotel being in the ghetto of Auckland, without a car or a bus stop in close proximity. Cab rides costing more than $50 one way and a budget that wouldn't allow for that. Yet they expected me to figure it all out on my own, fully aware that this was my first time alone in a foreign country. "Just go and get it done" mentality with an added "hurry up and get back in time so we can win some games". Like I have any control over the situation! Frustrating to say the least. In New Zealand I actually feel like a person again and not a commodity. It's funny, even though I am dubbed "The Import" I really am treated like a good. Just exported out to New Zealand to figure it all out. I know at the end of the day it is a business deal, but it's an ugly business.

Luckily for me, when my story was starting to look like a tragedy, God turned New Zealand into a triumph. After spending two miserable days alone in my hotel room, I mustered up the courage to email Pastor Craig [Sanga's contact]. He set me up with a beautiful new friend named Abbie. She is English. I adore her accent. She is the freshest thing since sliced bread. Not only is she so incredibly encouraging. She too has endured visa trials and makes me feel so welcome. I spent Sunday with her and a few other new girl friends and got to experience 3 different church services at LIFE. Talk about rejuvenating and just plain lovely. I am keen on LIFE. In the process I made more friends and have been blessed by their love, support and encouragement. I have gone to a "Monday Night Dinner" and a Life Group Home Study and have begun to feel like I have known these individuals for ages. God is awesome.

I never would have expected NZ to be so great! To be just what I needed. To be a pivotal part in my story:)I must admit I am getting a bit anxious as today marks a week since I have been here and I have yet to hear anything. This means I won't be able to play in my first game on Saturday and I am a bit disappointed about that, but God is writing my story. I don't know what He is going to do next and I have come to find comfort in that. I don't know how my time here will connect with another story line and I'm not quite sure of its significance in the grand story but I do know that I have been blessed with an exceptional new cast of characters and that God is faithful in small details of His writing. There is no place I would rather be than in the palm of Our Great Author.

Abbie & Me

My Apologies

I am so far behind in posting and instead of posting another novel I'll just insert some pictures with a short little story:)

Two weekends ago I went camping with my host sis TJ and her mates from school. I'll admit I was excited for the trip. To get out and camp on the Australian coastline, but to hang out with 17-18 year olds for a whole weekend...let's just say I felt like I was 60 years old. The beaches here are unbelievable! The water is so beautiful but crazy cold. South Australia gets it water from Antarctica and I can tell!! Definitely not California temperature at all! The highlight of the trip was really bonding with Teej. One morning the boys drove off to go find fishing bait and while they were gone I had some quiet time in the tent. I thought Teej was still sleeping, but she wasn't. It was really cool because we read through some of James together and the questions just started coming:) My first official non-superficial spiritual conversation in Australia!! So special!

 beautiful water

 little stephen in the background

 so AMAZiNG

 hidden hole!

 God's mighty work @ Second Valley!

can you see me at the bottom?

My host mom and sister are really keen on road trips. Late one Friday night we were sitting around talking and decided a spontaneous trip to see an amazing view was just what we needed. So we did just that! Hopped in the car and took an hour drive to Mt. Lofty. I was blown away!

views from Mount Lofty

I also went to the Usher concert with Teej and another teammate. Literally wasn't expecting to go but had a blast. Usher can dance! Needless to say I was inspired and realized how much I miss dancing. But choosing basketball paid off:) It was fun dancing the night away with one of my teammates Charlotte who we bummed into when we got there. It's been fun getting to know these girls off of the basketball court!

So those have been my most recent non-basketball extracurriculars. Oh wait I'm writing this from New Zealand! I got here last night and immediately lodged my visa so this whole situation can be resolved and things can go back to normal!! Looking forward to the confirmation email to say the least. In the meantime I guess I will explore New Zealand as much as I can without a tour guide or a car, not to mention a low budget! Love the adventures God is giving me! By the way speaking of cool things. On my flight over I was talking to the guy next to me. I asked him if he was from Adelaide and he said "No, Sydney". Without even thinking I replied "Nice! Have you ever been to the Hillsong church?! I really, realllllly want to go there!!" Sure enough he is a Pastor there! How cool is God!! He even gave me some suggestions for churches in Adelaide! And I have been blessed with a sponsor. I'm telling you besides all the baloney I have been getting from my coach, major random blessing keep popping up! I am being sponsored by an athletic clothing line. Check them out:) http://www.deftdivision.com.au/ Basically every range I get new clothes to wear. The coolest part is that they are super cute and comfy and long enough!! Coach McMoore, you should probably look into ordering team sweats from Deft...just saying! Heart thoughts coming up next...

Fluent in Aussie

Well I've almost been here for three weeks!! US' Friday/Oz Saturday will be the official marker of the day I left! It feels like I have been here longer than that because time is literally going by so fast!! Less than two weeks until our first game! It blows my mind!!

So let's be honest I haven't picked up the Aussie accent yet, BUT I am finding myself using their words for every day things now. It's so funny. I find myself asking what's that word mean ALL the time even though we are still speaking English!! So let me fill you in on a list of words that are now becoming my own. Please feel free to use them as a reference when skyping me or for future blogs as they will undoubtedly be used.

'Suss it out" -- Check it out

Tea -- Dinner

Thongs -- Flip flops

Jumpers -- Sweatshirt/Hoodie

Trackies -- Sweatpants

Bathers -- Bathing Suit

Chips -- French Fries

Training -- Practice

Hows it Going? -- How are you?

Ooroo -- See ya!

Reckon -- think/belief/feel

Torch -- Flashlight

Eski -- Ice chest/cooler

Boot -- Trunk

Bulk -- Lots

Chewy -- Gum

Petrol -- Gas

Tomato Sauce -- Ketchup

Muck -- Mess Around

Dodgey -- Sketchy

Pharell -- White Trash

Front Fringe -- Bangs

Devo -- Devastating

Jeepers -- "Oh Man" "Oh Gosh" "Darn It"

Slappers/Slurries/Bitties -- Girls who make bad choices [sluts]

Heaps [heavily used here] -- A lot of something

Partner -- Its all inclusive here [husband/wife/BF/GF]

Keen -- REALLY want to do/be something

These are the words I have learned in the past couple of weeks through conversation and I know I'm missing heaps but will be sure to add them as I become aware of the ones I missed:)

Love You Guys.

<3

killing time before training/helping TJ pick out her sports day costume...

thought that this was a really fitting scenario

Settling in...Finally.

Before I get to talking about myself, gosh I feel so selfish now having a blog dedicated to my journey!! Can you please take a few minutes to lift up Japan and the aftermath of this earthquake.Thanks so much for doing that:)

Okay so I know I haven't exactly written as planned. I mean I should be. Seeing I have all the time in the world and am on the computer nonstop everyday! But I just couldn't muster up the strength to write when my heart and head weren't focusing on the right things. Fortunately things are turning around here despite all the mishaps and FYI I didn't let you know the half of it. I didn't want to worry you. As a result good things have happened. I sought God and His advice instead of your advice. Sounds mean, but was the best thing I could have done in this situation. But now that it is all behind me and things are moving forward I'm good. Promise.

It's so weird though. I'm growing up. All these conflicts. Everything so entirely out of my control and all I want to do is pray. Shocking since the "old" Alisha would have wanted the first flight home. I'll admit when everything was falling to pieces at first you bet that idea crossed my mind, but I don't want to give up. I see nothing but potential. My teammates, coaches and Australia in general needs a different type of love. They need to experience the joy that we know is from Christ. I can't just walk away from this place because it may not be the best situation for me. I have fallen in love with the people here. And that doesn't men Aussie men, although I must admit I have met some really crazy beautiful Aussie men not to get sidetracked or anything. I digress. The main point is that I see a need for Jesus and my whole mission in coming here was to be a light for the people I encounter here. Not to be the next superstar. To rebuild this club's program and in a deeper sense help build their real purpose. This isn't like GSAC basketball where you will typically find a team that is full of women and men who play for an Audience of One. I grew accustomed to that. I forgot how ugly sport could be without a focal point. Without praise performances. Without encouragement. I'm here to be a steward. To help changes those things. To be an example. What type of person would I be if I gave up because it I got pushed too far out of my comfort zone?

It is baffling to see and feel the changes God has done in me. I can't believe it took a move to Australia, but it did. Now I am completely confident in who God has called me to be. A first. Realized it in two short weeks. And it's liberating.

So aside from the mishaps I will give you a few negatives that have shifted into positives.

1. I HAVE A HOME:)
After 8 different accommodation plans fell through. NO exaggeration. My temporary host family said why don't you stay with us and quite frankly I couldn't have been more relieved. I have grown to love them. My Aussie family. Sandra [my Aussie mom] and Tennayah (Tenn-ay-ah) aka TJ [my Aussie sister] are incredible. They didn't have an extra room but we are converting their spare room or office rather into my room. Truly ironic as I spend a majority of my time in here anyways! We get to go shopping at IKEA tomorrow and well who doesn't live IKEA. SO excited! And just happy to finally be settled! There is an extra wardrobe in the office so for the first time in over two weeks I was able to unpack my bags. Do you realize how monumental that felt! Until you live it I guess you can't really grasp the magnitude of it. It's amazing. Although I am officially unpacked I still need a bed and my coach is getting me a car [about time]. Yesterday on the way to training [practice] Renai [one of my teammates] and I played a game "Who can pick the ugliest car that will more than likely end up being identical to what Alisha gets". Okay I know I sound like a spoiled brat but it was fun and we had a good laugh and I will be thankful with whatever car I get. Even if it is the ugly yellow car we saw yesterday! So with my "new" housing, a car in the works and my international license in hand I'll finally be able to explore by myself instead of being trapped at home all day! Things are looking up!!!

2. I GET TO GO TO NEW ZEALAND!!!
Okay so long story short, and so I won't write anything mean about my Coach, there was a mixup with my Visa and well, I'm on the wrong one. Hence the reason I haven't been able to start work. I'm not on the Holiday AND Work Visa, just the Holiday Visa. And just to add to the drama of this adventure, its not just a simple fill out the form and fix it process. I have to leave the country. So the closest country to Adelaide...New Zealand. Could be worse right? I mean I do have to go by myself which I am still freaking out about BUT I get to go to Auckland, New Zealand and do some site seeing while I wait for my visa to clear. Rough life right. Like I said growing up. This is going to be a huge trip for me! So maybe in your free time say a prayer for me:) Trying to remain positive about it! And as soon as I get back to Adelaide I can finally start working!! I will be working alongside two NBL legends from America who also had careers in the NBA as well but just couldn't seem to leave Australia. I'm feeling blessed. Get to shoot around with two studs on my breaks and lunch! Like I said if I'm not focusing on the immediate the big picture is so awful;) God is good isn't He. Trust. Trust. Trust. Definitely the key to success.

3. IM MAKING FRIENDS
People here are so easy to mesh with. Sometimes it scares me as I tend to trust everyone and am naive with people's true intentions but I can't get over how nice people are. It is so easy to make friends and they want to know your life story. Which is trouble for me as I can never really get through a story without rambling about 29 other things that have absolutely no correlations to what we were originally talking about in the first place. I see it as a true gift. Yet despite my stories they love me! Its crazy! I say that humbly too. Really. I mean I'm pretty sure it is because I am American but it is flattering nonetheless. People here are obsessed with American TV shows, American accents, American athletes. It is hilarious. Not only do they try to impersonate my accent which is weird considering I don't have one but they ask me so many questions about California. Do you live near the OC? Have you had chili fries? Do you live next door to a movie star? Do your beaches really have those life guard stand things? I mean there are a billion more but you get the idea. It's so cute how intrigued they are with me when in reality I am so stoked to be with them and invest in their culture. They have no idea how cool they are! But they are quick to reassure me of all the stereotypes us Americans put on them...
Do people have kangaroos as pets - FALSE
Are bugs gigantically abnormal in size - TRUE unfortunately
Does everyone say mate & shiela - FALSE
Does everyone say crickey like Steven Irwin - FALSE
Do dingos really eat babies - Again FALSE
So I'm sure as friendships continue to blossom and flourish you will read more on those people soon enough. This weekend I am going camping with my little sister [TJ] and her mates;) Should be interesting considering I about 4 years older than everyone who is going but a whole weekend away should be amazing. I'm going to take on the role of chaperone as 12 of us are squeezing into a 10 person tent. Really get to know those kiddos I guess. They have already planned to teach me cricket so I will come back from this weekend truly being Australianized. Is that even a word? It is now:)

Lots of things to be excited about! And thanks so much for staying invested and contacting me via facebook or/and skype. I know I have been pretty standoffish lately but I didn't want to say the wrong thing in the heat of the moment or paint the wrong picture. I love it. And I'm beginning to feel like September is going to come around too fast too soon. Our first game is in 19 days and we finally had a practice that made me excited! We played so hard. With intensity and urgency! Needless to say I got really fired up which only inspired more great play. It was definitely a practice to put in the books. Thursday March 10th 2011 was a monumental day and a turning point in this journey. Definitely writing in pencil as things have continued to be written down and crossed out.

Some more unexpected highlights! Connected with a gracious Westmont alum who distracted me for a day and was my tour guide for the day around Adelaide. Major Blessing.

Meeting Sasha. Fitting considering my nickname is Sashapants to some.

Feeding the little baby kanga!

More to come...

Bittersweet

Sorry it has taken me forever to post anything but its my fifth day here and I'm still adjusting in many ways. Unfortunately my housing plans fell through so I haven't been able to settle in as I am staying with a family that was kind enough to let me in while they are dealing with some issues of their own. I didn't expect a bump in the road this early so that is why I have had a bit of an absence. I know God has the perfect house/host family out there but its frustrating feeling so helpless. And car less. And homeless.

I had to take my first adult big girl step last night and confront my coach about it. Despite the tears, it went well:) Hopefully I will be moving into my new house this weekend. Cross your fingers. I will admit the journey over here has been quite the emotional roller coaster. I mean this all came about in 3 weeks, so that in and of itself put my emotions in override. Yet I felt God taking me in this direction even though there was hardly any time to prepare. Mind you I didn't tell my parents about this for a full week because they were on vacation and I also got picked for jury duty. Too many decisions and too much responsibility in a week. So really I had two weeks to prepare. Prepare for the move itself with the little details I did know. And there was no way I could prepare for the many mishaps that have happened in the past week. Maybe I'm just getting all the bad stuff out of the way first!! Let's pray that is the case...

MiSHAPS
1. Plan to leave thursday night for AUS. Ready for the 16+ hour flight ahead, and for those who know me on planes that is an impressive feat. Ready to take that step of faith. Start an adventure. Live out a dream. Challenge myself. Overcome fears. Let go.
We arrived at LAX full of excitement and expectation, and luckily remembered the requirements for mom's carry-on bag [with help from Erin, thanks Erin:)] for our second flight once in Australia. Let me tell you they have strict rules here on domestic flights. Carry on items have to be 15lbs and about 2 inches smaller then regular US carry on items. How can one pack with those requirements? I'll never know. Mom had one outfit and a pair of PJs to work with. After adjusting our baggage and leaving behind nearly 7 lbs of clothing we said goodbye to dad. And thank goodness Auntie Cheryl was escorting us because she helped ease the tension as new issues sprang up. We didn't realize we needed to purchase visas. [FYI if you are planning to visit Australia you are required to purchase a $25 visa before you can get your ticket] Fifty dollars later we were finally able to go through security with our companion passes in hand [which are not guaranteed tickets but usually there is never a problem getting on a flight standby] Well after an hour and a half of checking in, blood pressure elevated, we finally arrive at gate 77 flight to SYD. Everything was looking grand. They were boarding the plane and there were 40+ seats left on the flight. We were looking really good at number 5 and 6 on the wait list. Which then became 1 and 2 as the four companion passes in front of us were able to board. WELL speaking of wait, WEIGHT rather, they call us up to the desk to let us know that the plane has been weight restricted. [They have been sending supplies over to New Zealand because of the earthquakes so they have been putting a weight restriction on the flights]. So even though there were 40 seats left we couldn't get on. So disappointing. Frustrating. And dare I say it, a sigh of relief. But this only where the journey to Adelaide began...

2. Because we weren't able to get on the flight we were stranded in LA. Without a car or a ride home. My dad couldn't pick us up and my Aunt had a flight out of LA soon after our expected departure. We were stuck in the rain with nearly 200lbs of baggage. So we hopped on a bus and rented a car. This turned into another wait. THREE hours to be exact. Mom had to stand in line while I waited outside in the rain with the baggage watching plane after plane take off overhead. It was so depressing and just like the rain, tears were streaming down. It was in that moment I realized I wanted to take this adventure despite any reservations I had. And that moment has been something I have been reflecting on as I sit here in Australia with my current doubts.

3. We arrived back home completely exhausted. As a matter of fact it was completely by the grace of God we made it home because mom and I had both popped sleeping pills at LAX prior to take off. We were running on adrenaline and had to figure out how to call Australia. FYI when and if you decide to ever call me [please don't its a rather big bill] you have to dial 011 61 + the rest of the number. We were able to change our hotel reservations after being on hold for 25 minutes and praise God for such nice Aussies because a cancellation fee is one hefty charge. It is the price of the room for the night! They let us bump the two nights we originally had booked a night ahead which seemed pointless because the woman at LAX said the next night's flight was booked full. Then we proceeded to call Virgin Blue [our domestic flight in Aus] and we sat on hold for well over an hour. $$$$$$$$$ and then some. They first told my mom they were charging her $700. Yes that is two zeros. For missing our connecting flight and then trying to change them around with such short notice. At this point its 3am friday morning. We are exhausted. Have experienced an emotional high and low in a matter of hours. Needless to say mom and I were balling at this point. Everything seemed so bleak. Not to mention we were going to miss the BBQ my coach and teammates planned for our arrival on Australia's saturday afternoon [your friday evening]. Bleak. The situation. Our attitudes. The atmosphere. Yet thanks to a new friend and his prayers and reassurance on an early friday morning, I was determined to trust. Trust in God's original plan. And rest knowing that everything was going to work out. By the way, after 80 minutes on the phone they were able to work out a deal with my mom and switched our flights to the following day with a $70 charge. Much much better than the original $700. So we were left praying all night that things would work out despite the odds.

4. The next night at LAX we flew [no pun intended] through check-in and security and were pro's at this point. All we could do was wait. Our flight, like every United flight from LA to SYD, was expected to depart at 10:15pm and apparently weight restrictions are known around 8:30pm. So at 8:30pm I walked up to the airline desk with the kindest of manners and asked if there was any weight restrictions. She said no. I was thrilled but cautioned myself not to get too excited knowing the flight was booked full.
Let me tell you the next hour and a half felt like a lifetime. If you haven't flown standby then you have no idea what I am talking about but you have to watch the screen and see how many seats are left and where your name stands on the list. Well in an hours time the seats went from 30 available to 19 available back up to 24 available. It was yet another emotional roller coaster. Mom and I were 3 and 4 on the list and about 10:20pm [the flight almost done boarding] the man at the desk walked over to tell us [number 1, number 2, 3 and 4, (5 and 6 were also there)] that the flight was at full weight limit capacity and we could wait but chances were, there were no chances. BUT God is good and honestly the next 20 minutes were a blur. They called #'s 1,2,3&4 and told us to run and grab our seats. Also by the goodness of God mom and I somehow got seats together which is unheard of especially because they had been saying no seat changes all night. Once on the plane we didn't have too many mishaps. Bevan [like Evan with a B...love him] my new Aussie friend from Sydney began teaching me some Aussie slang and then he and my mom managed to fall asleep on me. It was definitely not my most comfortable flight ever. And no offense Auntie because you are more than an angel for giving us your flight benefits, but there were not individual TVs on the back of every headrest! I was spoiled on my flight to Europe I guess. So that was pretty unfortunate, but I survived.

MiSHAPS SINCE ARRiVAL iN ADELAiDE
1. As you have read my housing assignment is not solidified as it was upon our arrival. My housing plans fell through which is understandable due to my host family's circumstances, but I have felt very frustrated as planning here is very very lackadaisical. I thought I was a procrastinator. Nope. Not in the slightest. Its almost been a week and I am still homeless. Fortunately a girl on the junior's team has taken me in. But her mom just had a serious back surgery and I'm currently sleeping in TJ's  [the junior player] room while she is on a blow-up air mattress. Things are backward. I feel like a burden and an inconvenience. They keep reassuring me I'm none of those things, but the last thing they need is an emotional American let alone one whose body is completely out of whack.

2. I have been sick for the past three days. My temperature is finally going back down to normal but yesterday night it was pretty high. And I usually don't get fever's so you know I was freaking out a little. Especially when the thought that not only was I about 18 hours travel time away, I am 62,000 miles, excuse me conversions have me all messed up 62,000 kilometers, away from the physical comfort of my parents. I guess I am finally growing up. It may be the jet-lag, or the fact that I am homesick because I have not been able to settle in at all, or the stress of the move or being homeless or the pressures I am putting on myself. It is a mix of everything.
All this to say, I have not been a negative nance since I have been here. I knew it was going to be more than difficult. And I know myself so I knew coming in I would have these struggles and that they would be more intensified because I am so far away from home. But I have had a lot of time to pray and read and in doing that despite all these mishaps God continues to comfort me and show me that is so important to just rest and wait and be still. Those are the last things I want to be because I am so uncomfortable. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. But I am growing! And it is really really neat to be in this process of change even though my time here thus far has been nothing but bitter. Sweet days are ahead.

My prayers have already changed in these past five days. I haven't prayed for it to get easier, or to be rescued or to have the time fly by. I want to learn and know what it is like to have patience. To be shaped in ways I have never known. Especially because I am in a foreign place and have zero control. Sure I am anxious and do ask the my troubled heart be set free. It is my biggest sin struggle. Worry, doubt, fear. You name it, I have it mastered. But this is a season in my life where I can let go of it all and master the feeling of being redeemed. Master acceptance. Master the ability to focus on God's presence and His ability and His action. To let go of the strongholds in my life that only put me in a more anxious state.

"If you dig in and fight the changes, they will smash you to bits. They'll hold you under, drag you across the rough sand, scare and confuse you. But if you can find it within yourself, in the wildest of seasons, just for a moment, to trust in the goodness of God, who made it all and holds it all together, you'll find yourself drawn along a whole new place, and there's truly nothing sweeter. Unclench your fists, unlock your knees and also the door to your heart, take a deep breath and swim. Begin to let the waves do their work in you."
-Shauna Niequist, Learning to Swim

This is what I am praying for:)

Some snapshots of my first days here...

watching the sunrise

 mom and I on the second flight

one of the boys I help coach